Today On Frankly Speaking - Remake Your Life

Everyone loves a great life. We all want to be successful and great. We want to achieve our dreams, goal and purposes. We don't want to lag behind colleagues and contemporaries in life, we want to be comfortable, secured; relevant and respected. We want a good life, at least everyone I know does, but not everyone is actually experiencing a great life; in fact more people are struggling in life than succeeding.

We are daily inspired, encouraged, motivated and told the naked truth about the need to succeed, we're told the secrets and ways to success, many of us know the secrets and principles by heart, in fact some of us have taught other people one-on-one or in groups about the need and the principles of success, but ironically, we are also struggling in life.

We're struggling with our finances, our relationships, our marriages; our careers our behaviours and other critical aspects of our lives.

We have the answers, we have the knowledge, we see the opportunities and guess what, we have the choice, we know what is right and needful; and we know what is destructive and unnecessary. Yet were unable to do anything about our lives and our situations.

Dear friend it's easy to know what to do, it's wise to know how to do it, it's great to have that desire to do it, and impressive to decide to do it, what is lacking and most important in getting results is the power to do it.

The things we want to do, we do not do, those things we do not want to do are the things we find ourselves doing, which means there is something stronger than decisions or choices that bring about results; it is called  the will-power.

There is a power that must back up your will for anything to happen or come to pass. Beyond knowing, wishing and wanting, you need power to back your decisions in order to see tangible results.

Many carry great dreams and aspirations for many years; dreams and aspirations that can easily be executed, dreams and aspirations others are executing – obtaining great results and beautiful results, but some people just lack the power behind that will to do it.

Let me tell you this true story, there is this girl I knew many years ago in a neighbourhood I used to live in in Lagos. Her parents lived in the village in Edo state and at age 14 was arranged and agreed she should relocate to Lagos to live with an aunt, this aunt lived in my then neighbourhood.

This aunt was a mature single woman, almost in her mid-forties she had never been married and her lifestyle was basically making a living off various men who were interested in funny affairs and relationships with her. She was making some income from this lifestyle and she somehow got by, at least she dressed okay, paid her bills and owned a car.

Consequently when her niece came to live with her in Lagos, she tried introducing this fourteen year old girl to her own way and style of making a living. Her niece didn't like the idea at all and did all she could to resist the pressure to live off men. One day, according to rumours, her aunt arranged with some mean guys and her niece was violated in her presence. Then she had just turned 15. But the experience really messed her up. We just noticed she wasn't the quite, decent and respectful young neighbour any longer. She began to walk up and down the street and hang out in corners and at junctions with all kinds of people and guys she had no business being with.

One day I saw this fifteen year old girl smoking a cigarette with a small bottle of hot drink at a taxi park two streets away from our residence. We used to talk so I took it upon myself to advise, help and support her out of the destructive lifestyle she's taken up. The more I tried to help her the worse she got. Heavy smoking, over drinking, chronic over eating, obsessive shopping she was just out of control. One day she confessed to me that really she knows she's living dangerously and on many occasions decided to change and do something worthwhile with her life, but the more she tried, the worse she got, she couldn't help herself she confessed sadly. I promised I would be praying for her.

About six months after this conversation with her, news broke that her aunt had been murdered. She travelled out of town with a strange man and was found murdered in a hotel room somewhere in the south-south.

This news shocked everyone in the neighbourhood, the woman may have lived dangerously, we all hoped she would change one day and not end up the way she did. After the sad incidence, the niece also disappeared from the neighbourhood.

About seven years afterwards, I walked into the banking hall of one of the most prestigious banks in Nigeria and there was this girl, sitting behind the customer service desk; looking very attractive, professional and intelligent. She was so glad to see me and I was so happy for her. A few days after the reunion, we were chatting and she confessed her aunt's death shocked her and shook her and she immediately stopped all she was doing wrong with her life, decided to go to school and do something great with her life. She quit smoking, drinking, clubbing, hanging out and she focused her energy on academics, she set a goal for herself and eventually changed her life. Hmmm, ‘she set a goal for herself'.

Dear friend, through neurology, it has been discovered the brain adopts a pattern for every habit, once your brain adopts this pattern, the habit over time is programmed into your system and this habit for you becomes automatic, you don't do it deliberately any longer, it becomes a subconscious or and unconscious programme, it ceases to be what you do, it becomes you; its programmed and wired perfectly into you, hence you lose deliberate control over it, you cease to be in control.

For example, once you learn how to drive a car well, you cannot unlearn it, once you learn how to swim, you cannot unlearn it, once you learn how to read, you cannot unlearn it, though these are skills, it's also the same with habits. So when you learn a bad habit, you cannot unlearn it, it's moved from something you do by choice to something you've become and once it becomes you, it's beyond your conscious control. So it ceases to be a matter of choice, it's now a case of your person. Incidentally, your nature is stronger than your will.

The only way to change a behaviour or a bad habit is to override the neuro patterns adopted and recognised by your brain with new patterns. And this new patterns will dominate the old ones. For example you can't unlearn how to drive a car but you can learn how to fly a plane, then you stop driving and start flying everywhere you go.

You do not change your life, improve your life or achieve great goals by trying to stop old and destructive life patterns, you change your life and remake it by learning new positive habits and adopting new positive patterns then indulging in the new habit based on your new goal; this is called the law of replacement.

For example your daily activities when at school or at work is different from your daily activities when on vacation or holidays. The same you, different goals, hence different daily activities and habits.

When you learn a new habit, the brain rewrites new patterns – causing a shift in your behaviours.

So to experience positive change in your life, don't focus on what you're doing wrong and old habits, this would weigh you down as it activates the neuro patterns for the old habit once you think about it. Start learning new habits, set new goals and focus on the new goals, these new activities will naturally override the old habits in your neuro system and you'd begin to move in the direction of your expectations.

Immediately this lady I shared about set new goals to go to school, get a good job and a decent life, her old habits were over ridden by new ones in line with her new goals.

Dear friend, that's how to get results, that's how to remake your life. Don't bother about what you can't do and the wrong things you do, choose a positive key stone habit in line with your goal to develop today and stay focused on it, with time it will override a bad one holding you down. The power really is not based on what you stop doing, it lies with what you start doing. You can remake your life, all you need is to just rewrite your neuro patterns.

Enjoy your day.

Source: Muyiwa Afolabi Blog